The other day I met the perfect prospective Conservative parliamentary candidate. She was young, she was very bright, she was seriously good-looking and she had a thorough intellectual grasp of Tory values.
“God, you should seriously stand for election. You’d be a shoe-in with Dave Cameron’s new all-female shortlists,” I told her.
“I already tried and they rejected me,” she replied. “I think what swung it was when a question about the environment came up. I told them I didn’t believe all that nonsense about Man-Made Global Warming.”
How depressed does that story make you feel?
Here are some of the things I think any prospective Tory candidate should believe in:
1. A commitment to lower taxes, both corporate and personal.
2. An immediate repeal of the Climate Change Act of 2008
3. Cancellation of all alternative energy projects – most especially of wind farms, because of the damage they will do to the British landscape – and an accelerated nuclear programme.
4. Tougher stance on immigration.
5. Tougher stance on Islamist extremism, particularly on Foreign Office collaboration with extremist groups.
6. A real bonfire of the Quangos – as in, actually destroying them, rather than simply replacing favoured Nu Lav apparatchiks with favoured Nu Tory ones.
7. A radical rethink of the NHS (as opposed to Dave’s current we’ll-spend-the-same-as-if-not-more-than-Labour-but-we’ll-be-a-bit-more-efficient non policy)
8. Withdrawal from the European Union (except as part of a trading bloc)
9. Repeal of all PC or nannying social legislation such as the Human Rights Act and the Independent Safeguarding Authorities “all adults are paedophiles”
10. Repeal of the ban on foxhunting.
You probably suggest a few more of your own. How many of the above would Cameron’s current Conservative lot pass?