Broken Britain

I’ve got another brilliant idea for a TV series. It’s called MPs Walled Up in Scorpion-Filled, Ebola-Ridden, Plague-Rat-Infested, Acid-Drenched, Radioactive Tower Block of Slow Hellish Screaming Death. All right, so the title does give away the premise, slightly, but I’d still watch it, wouldn’t you? 24/7. Done right — with special feature-length episodes devoted to Ed Balls, Harriet Harman, and the Milibands — I reckon it would be more satisfying than Band of Brothers, The Sopranos, Das Boot, South Park, The Simpsons and University Challenge rolled into one. And from me, that’s quite an accolade.

What I shan’t be watching again, I don’t think, is the tame rip-off of my idea currently showing on Channel 4. Tower Block of Commons (Channel 4, Monday) is a ‘social experiment’ in which various MPs are sent to live like council tenants for a week in a grotty tower block. You can guess the trajectory right away: by the end, all the participants will be appalled and astonished to realise just how out of touch they are with Britain’s broken society and will vow to strive harder to mend it.

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