Has anyone else noticed that since the eruption of the Ejyerkslllbjorkscreeylllkkrctarslyllgrgleglugglug volcano not a single plane over Europe has crashed, been involved in a terrorist incident or caused any of passengers on board an aircraft any discomfort whatsoever?
I feel a Big Idea coming on. It’s a Big Idea right up there with David Cameron’s new Big Idea to corral all Britain’s old people into repainting youth centres, clearing up needles on drug estates, setting up new Green Job enterprises, and so forth.
I suggest we ground all passenger aircraft forever. On the Precautionary Principle.
Yes, I suppose there are bound to be one or two objections, as there always are when the Precautionary Principle is applied by sensible, not-at-all-foaming-gibbering-or-in-any-way-barking government science advisors like Sir David King, Lord Stern and Sir Liam Donaldson. Most of these grumbles, I expect, will come from exactly the kind of selfish people George Monbiot was talking about in a short film he made on the BBC’s Daily Politics Show the other day.
They don’t like to be told that they can’t fly to Thailand for their holidays. So because they don’t like the results people decide that the science must be wrong.
Yeah. Take that, Lifestyle-Enjoyers! That put you in your cosy, selfish, creature-comfort-enjoying place, didn’t it?
The man in this picture is a former alien abductee. But it’s not going to happen again – at least it hasn’t so far, he reports – because he is now wearing a thought screen helmet, just like the one you too can create in your own home by following the simple instructions at Stop Abductions. Here is what he has to say:
“Since trying Michael Menkin’s Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society.
My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity.”
Now think of that thought screen helmet in terms of other fields where the precautionary principle might apply:
Keeping planes grounded to make sure none of them crash ever again.
Spending millions of pounds the NHS hasn’t got on Swine Flu vaccine, just in case.
Slaughtering millions of healthy farm animals rather than inoculate them against foot and mouth.
Spending $45 trillion in case the lies made up in Michael Mann’s and Phil Jones’s fantasy laboratories turn out to be true.
Do you see now, why the precautionary principle makes sense? When we apply it regularly all we have to lose is our money, our freedom and our sanity.
Oh, and if anyone feels like making me one of those thought screen helmets and send it to me, I promise to photograph myself wearing it, so you can see how very seriously I take this thing. As you should too.