Am I offending the wrong Americans?

Q. Why did God give liberals annoying, whiny voices?

A. So that even the blind could hate them.

This is probably my favourite joke from a new book I just published in the US, (hence the use of ‘liberal’ in its American sense), called 365 Ways To Drive A Liberal Crazy. Though I don’t think it’s quite as funny as the Obama ‘Men Who Stare At Goats’ joke or the one about Nancy Pelosi and the sheep on the desert island, I like it a) because I invented it (or, rather, adapted it from an old Eighties racist joke) and b) because it offends so many liberal pieties.

(to read more, click here)

37 thoughts on “Am I offending the wrong Americans?”

  1. It’s just a daft as today’s stupidity.

    “On his birthday (January 17), quote Benjamin Franklin:
    “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Tell your liberal friends Franklin was referring to government-controlled health care.”

    Yeh right, the Tea party retiree’s get medicare, the veterans are on government run Tri-care and clueless fools from the UK don’t understand that some people CANNOT GET HEALTH INSURANCE AT ALL.

    What’s the f****** use of an insurance system that stops when you get ill – as most people do when they get older.

    James Delingpole continues to show how ignorant he is and reinforces the notion that he’s a Glen Beck wannabee – saying outrageous BS so the gullible who will hail his wisdom.

    Clown.

  2. You certainly don’t offend me.

    Here’s a for-funsie (not really).

    I imagine you’ve seen some coverage of the supposed memorial service with T shirt souvenirs in Tucson, branded with the slogan “Together We Thrive”?

    If you’ve watched any of the vids of the event, Governor Brewer was booed (even in the rough and rustic colonies, that is NOT acceptable behavior at a solemn memorial event), and the President’s (good) speech was frequently interrupted with cheers (also unacceptable at a service, although de rigeur for campaign events).

    It seems the T shirt slogan came from Obama for America/my.barackobama back in 2008:

    http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/johnberry_iv/C94H

    It would also seem that some open border groups were bused to the “memorial”, which could explain the boos for the Governor:

    http://www.examiner.com/civil-rights-in-phoenix/chicanos-unidos-arizona-members-attend-together-we-thrive-memorial

    You’re seeing the playbook run hard hard hard.

    Well, after all, Soros IS 80.

    He’s really running out of time to expand that title of the Man Who Broke the Bank of England to the entire globe, and he does have to get us to get that, doesn’t he?

    Carry on, and no you don’t offend in the least.

  3. “Quote with appropriate reverence and non-judgmental, multicultural appreciation the great Iranian religious leader Ayatollah Khomeini:
    To marry a girl before she begins menstruating is “a divine blessing.” If your liberal friend starts sputtering, cheerfully inquire, “Who are you to judge another culture—you’re not Islamophobic, are you?””

    “Non-judgemental” – right. Most liberals know that all religions are stupid. We’re not Islamophobic – we’re against all religions. We don’t “hate” people because they are Muslim – we fight against their bad ideas – big difference. It’s the likes of Limbaugh, Coulter, Beck etc that likes to lump everybody together and call them “rag heads” and childish stuff like that rather than criticising the made up religious stuff. They don’t do that because they, particularly Beck are purveyors of religious stupidity themselves.

  4. Brabara USA – why do you conflate audience reaction with the President? If the audience wants to celebrate the lives of people that is allowed and it is their reaction – not the President’s.

    You are clearly trying to blame him. Memorial services frequently reflect on the good and funny side of people. Who writes the rules? Surely Christians should celebrate death – just like the crazy Muslims who think that dying for the cause will allow them to meet virgins in heaven.

    No – you are just trying to bitch because Obama can actually put two words together unlike nutjob Palin. He’s not senile like McCain and not brain dead like Bush.

    All you have is crazy – Bachmann, Boehner and the crazy cult members.

    And Rethuglicans don’t have a play book? The tea party is sponsored by the Koch brothers who also sponsor the lies about global warming. I’ve been to tea party meetings. It’s almost 100% lies and misrepresentations from start to finish. Total paranoia.

    When you go, most of the people there are so dumb that they cheer against the socialism that most of them are benefiting from. They aren’t smart enough to remember that they are only at the mid week meeting because they are retired on social security or getting veterans benefits from the socialist military.

  5. Oh yes – Soros is spending his money to lie? I think not.

    “Recently, David and Charles Koch through their network of foundations and nonprofits outspent ExxonMobile on astroturf campaigns to misinform the American public about climate change legislation.”

    That’s reality. Liars for oil.

  6. Mr Delingpole, off-topic, but I really like the music at the very beginning of your recent video for the Daily politcs (just as you are standing by the Cenotaph); could you please enlighten me as to which piece it is?

    Also, regarding boarding schools (having seen your recent tweets), Tatler has a guide (which unlike the rest of the magazine is free) with which you can search for schools by area and by sex:

    http://guides.tatler.co.uk/WCS/schools/2011/

    I reckon this leavers’ video is a great advertisement for this (girls’) school 🙂
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TsX_jM8mQc

  7. Chris, why do you conflate a shooting by a schizophrenic with Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, religion, and big oil?

    Sweetie, read some of the shooter’s writings. Your talking points are very nearly up there with his “A=B=C=tomatoes are unconstitutional”.

    Media Matters (Soros) has been all over this like a rash.

    Obama gives beautiful prepared speeches–that’s his job. His function is to be a hood ornament, while the professional dirtyworkers do THEIR job, and people aren’t supposed to connect the two.

    Seriously, you are on a British blog arguing talking points. Good little soldier, open your mind and get a life. Do you honestly think there’s a reward for you in future in return for being a good little cadre?

    Or will you become expendable in your turn when the time comes?

    Three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

  8. Apparently BarbUSA is unable to understand killers confessions that say, essentially, I did it because Beck said to do it. This is not the Arizona incident but, with nutcases, who might as well be mentally ill for all the giberish they spout, like Beck and Palin encouraging people to kill Democrats what do you expect. They are creating a nasty violent atmosphere. The Tea Party nitwits even carry guns to political events. How is anybody supposed to know if they are schizophrenic and will start shooting?

    “Open my mind” to what, the blatant lies and crap coming out of libertarians that screw things up? I’ve seen enough of their work to know where they are at. They are purely selfish, just like Palin.

    What the hell is a “British blog”.

    “Will you become expendable” – what the hell remark is that.

    Delingpole’s comment for today in his book is pure drivel about Geithner. Who cares about Geithner when the Republicans have a nutcase godbot like Bachmann in their ranks. The woman is totally clueless. The Republicans still think there is a skygod.

  9. Wow, Chris P got about every leftist talking-point in there that one could imagine. Well, there is the trusty old bushhitlercheneyhalliburton card he could have thrown out.

    Please cite where there is any instance of a tie between Beck and Loughner (and no, I won’t count kos or democrat underground), going to be hard when it sounds like the guy was playing for Team Donkey. His love for Mein Kampf and The Communist Manifesto is right out of the modern American-leftist playbook, sounds like it’s pages 16-92 of the democrat playbook.

    And does anyone care about Geithner other than to make jokes at his expense. For God’s sake, the man in charge of American economic policy can’t operate Turbo Tax. His little tax “slip-up” would actually prevent him from being employed with the Treasury if he weren’t an appointee. Good to see the lefties are as rabid on this site as they are in America (and get your talking-points somewhere that won’t make you look stupid: it’s always been illegal for insurance companies to drop premium holders if they get sick….go get some sleep now).

  10. “‘twat’, for example, which in English English is now the kind of mild insult you’d reserve for someone somewhere between a plonker and a spazz”

    Yep Delingpole, you certainly fit all the description above. But I would reserve the English English insult of spanner and monkey wrench for you…. as well as chinless wonder…

  11. chris, as to violent rhetoric setting off crazed gunmen, you are referring to the Discovery Channel guy, I take it? The one who was inspired by Al Gore to take over a TV station because the squirrels are getting short shrift?

    Please document ONE instance of any SHOOTER saying “(insert conservative name here) made me do it.” Not several newscasters and Democratic lawmakers saying it, the PERP saying it.

    I understand that you’re a good little daily protest troll, but nobody’s really buying it–check out the polling. It isn’t working.

  12. “On Martin Luther King Day
    ask why we have a public holiday named after a Vietcong-supporting radical who—in a 1967 speech—compared U.S. forces in Vietnam to Nazis. ”

    The Vietnam war was completely stupid just like George Bush’s war in Iraq. Hundreds of thousands dead because of, in the latter case, a stupid Republican.

    Nice spin barbusa – no he didn’t use the words “made me do it”. Byron Williams was going to the Tides foundation to kill people. The person pushing the crazy about the Tides foundation was Glenn Beck.

    Nobody here is “buying it” because they are mostly ignorant libertarian dolts who are sucking up to this clown. Delingpole is using the same techniques as the religious goons – writing fear mongering claptrap that appeals to their nature as victims.

    He has no facts to back anything up. He just stirs things up for a living.

  13. This “joke” above is nothing but a rewrite of an old racist joke from a 1970’s edition of “Truly Tasteless Jokes.” Kinda funny when it was first told, but not original and or as funny as hearing “that’s older than my grandmother’s toe and twice as corny.”

  14. How are some people (**cough** ChrisP) so devoid of reason?

    There’s a line from The John Galt Speech that accurately describes him: “Ask yourself how many independent conclusions you have reached in the course of your life and how much of your time was spent on performing the actions you learned from others.”

  15. If only the joke were actually funny. I speak here, technically, as to the ability of the joke to amuse, and not toward its content. I often find myself laughing at actually funny jokes with which I disagree (that I classify to myself as “funny but wrong”).

    This joke just sucks, dude. Really.

  16. @ OhioDan (among others)

    Wow.

    “Ask yourself how many independent conclusions you have reached in the course of your life and how much of your time was spent on performing the actions you learned from others.”

    Are you listening, Party o’ Tea?

  17. John Galt is nothing – he has nothing useful to convey – dream on. He’s an excuse for people with empty brains.

    “Next time you hear a reference to “America’s first black president,”
    counter by referring to Obama as “America’s 44th white president.” Explain that you’re doing so on feminist grounds: “What? You’re trying to tell me that his Caucasian mom’s genetic input doesn’t count? But that’s so SEXIST!””

    Liberals would not call him a “Black” president – they would call him “THE” president. As in democratically elected president with a brain instead of clueless senile McCain who went to the Naval Academy because of his father, graduated instead of being thrown because of his mother, crashed multiple aircraft because of his incompetence and got shot down because he was stupid. Palin is just plain bonkers.

    OhioDan – I have learned nothing from libertarians except for how selfish and stupid they are – ignoring scientific facts. They are conspiracy nuts.

  18. One or two excepted, most of the troll-posts here (in that imortal line from John Wayne) are “not worth a pitcher of warm spit”. Just insults, abuse, and repetition of third hand misinformation. I mean you on the Left there with your “stupid Bush” line. Which college did you graduate from, remind us? Why not ask for your fees back, you learned nothing.

    Delingpole is great, but sadly his comment thread is not somewhere to loook for intelligent comment.

  19. Bush was STUPID as in “FLAMING MORON”. He was ignorant as in “COULD BARELY READ”.

    Did you not see the picture of him holding the childrens book upside down.

    You libertarians have not presented because you have none – you’re all in lala land.

    Delingpole is an opportunist who appeals to the gullible.

    It doesn’t matter what “College” I graduated from because I have designed and created more stuff in one week than you clowns ever will. You people have yet to come up with anything that resembles a fact let alone insight.

    Delingpole’s book is being sold at Human Events along with bogus medical and financial advice and heavily discounted books written by the clueless Palin and Beck.

  20. Delingpole great alright, great at misinforming and spreading hate. Is there no one he hasn’t attacked? Even World War 2 veterans are fair game to him. Despicable man!

  21. “Tell them you don’t give a damn about the polar bears.
    And it’s not because you don’t like cute, fluffy, white carnivores; it’s because you find it hard to accept that a species whose population has increased fivefold—from 5,000 to 25,000—in the last five decades can actually be in any kind of trouble.”

    Correct – totally ignoring all the other species that are in decline. Cherry picking is a popular sport amongst global warming deniers. It’s like creationists, they never stay on subject for more than one or two sentences.

    You are right some facts about global warming have been proven wrong. That’s called SCIENCE. It changes. But libertarians don’t understand the scientific method.

    One particularly clueless libertarian I know, who loves John Galt, illegally feeds Canada Geese so they hang out on the street, crap all over the place and eat people’s lawns. There is an excess of these birds – they don’t need to be encouraged. But that’s libertarianism – crazy people who think its OK to do whatever they want – euphemism for anarchy.

  22. @ Chris P. “Some of the facts about global warning have been proven wrong.”

    (a) Then obviously they weren’t facts, but fabrications; and,

    (2) Actually, ALL of the “facts” about global warming have NEVER been proved.

  23. “Conservative history:
    Explain how conservatives are the primary drivers of man’s evolution.”

    Conservatives don’t believe in evolution they still believe in creationism and a skygod.

    Almost everybody I know that is creative is a liberal. Conservatives waste their time and money going to church thinking that prayer will fix everything.

    Tavos? As I said – libertarians are clueless about science – thanks for proving that. A fabrication is a lie – consservatives are good at that. Coming up with a prediction based on measurements and calculations isn’t a “fabrication”. Maybe you shoudl read a dictionary as well.

    And saying “All the facts about global warming have never been proved” is about as stupid as you can get. As I said, libertarians are too stupid to be able to read a graph that shows the temperature going up. They’re too stupid to know a dead coral from alive one. They’re too stupid to know when the ocean is rising. Too stupid to follow a series of pictures in National Geographic showing receding glaciers.

    No – they just get all the “facts” from clueless twits like Delignpole, Beck, Palin and all the other talking heads who don’t know what science is.

    In order to counter a fact you have to offer proof – like pictures showing that 95% of glaciers have grown over the last 100 years – libertarians are too lazy to get out of their pickups and don’t know how to operate a camera. Their only science book is the bible – because it’s the inerrant word on everything.

  24. @ Chris P

    You need some help with those anger and hatred issues of yours. Perhaps therapy would help? Good luck with that.

  25. “Tell your liberal friends you prefer foreign policy Teddy Roosevelt style:
    “Speak softly and carry a big stick” to foreign policy Barack Obama style: “Speak softly, bow deeply, and apologize often.””

    As against the George Bush approach of illegally invading a country and killing hundreds of thousands of inncoents for no reason based on a pack of lies.

    Tavos – thanks – You are right I hate people who lie all the time. Therapy? No the Rethuglicans are the ones who need therapy.

    Tell you what – tell your idiot libertarians and Rethuglicans to stop lying and the rest of the world will be a happier place.

    Angry – yeh for about ten seconds every time I read some stupid lying email from Family Research Council, NOM, Thomas Moore Law Center, Bill Donahue, Ann Coulter, Brannon Howse, Newsmax, Human Events.

    Funny how they’re all asking for money. It’s just like “Liars for Jesus” but with no God.

  26. “Conservative party trick:
    Say: “Mind if I smoke?” Then explain you’ve felt much more comfortable asking this question ever since you learned that “passive smoking” is a big government lie designed by safety Nazis to justify their persecution of tobacco users. The biggest long-term study of “passive smoking” found that exposure to “environmental tobacco smoke,” no matter how intense or prolonged, creates no significantly increased risks of heart disease or lung cancer. ”

    You too can cherry pick information off the net.

    I hate cigarette smoke – any idiot who thinks that the chemicals produced by burning things is good for your insides is stupid. Oh- that’s right this is a libertarian blog so that’s a forgone conclusion.

  27. Seriously James, Is there any point in having this American arse spout his stream of consciousness, fact free bile here. It doesn’t constitute serious debate or encourage it.

    Or are you just keen to show up the paucity of intelligence such people have?

  28. Talking of fact free bile – this from James:-

    “Start a rumor:
    The now notorious and apparently crazy liberal group ACORN (the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now) was actually a black ops front organization, devised during the Nixon era to discredit the Left. Its greatest victory came in 2009 when conservative activists videoed ACORN employees advising on how best to run a child-prostitution ring while avoiding taxes. You don’t think even a left-wing, “social justice” organization could be that dumb, do you? It was all part of the plan. The CIA’s plan.”

    This is utter lying crap. It was proven that this is utter lying crap.

  29. So what would I use to determine the difference between Don Stuart and a hole in the ground.

    He appears to be a Delingpole groupie. He accuses me of being “American”. What’s with that?

    Serious debate requires facts – something which James doesn’t have. He’s a talking head.

    Clearly his parents couldn’t afford to buy him a subscription to New Scientist and gave him a Bible as his only source of information. Probably one they were given at school.

  30. Argh! Cut to the quick by the rapier like invective of the teenage scribbler.

    I think you’ll find that serious debate involves a lot more than stating simple facts. You possess none of the qualities required for a reasoned argument.

    You are essentially an empty vessel making a lot of sound and fury but with nothing substantial behind it. If you’re going to subject the readers of this blog to your incessant verbal diarrhoea the least you could do is make it intelligible and coherent.

    Simply repeating ad nauseum that ‘the right’ are ‘idiots’ and wittering on about US shock jocks is becoming a bore.

  31. Don Stuart – so exactly what do you have to refute it? You are just whining.

    There is nothing to debate – Republicans and libertarians are clueless lying jerks. The list is endless.

    This is today’s piece of baseless drivel from the guy you toady up to:-

    “Give them another reason why Obama has GOT to go.
    NO. 2 He’s a Muslim extremist. …”

    How clueless a comment does he have to make before you see that the emperor has no clothes? He’s just playing the American snake oil game. People love to buy (read) things that make their unknowing selves feel better and their biases reinforced.

  32. Christ, you really are thick as shit aren’t you. And positively demented by the sounds of it. If I was you I would lay off the dope, it seems to have addled your brain.

    You love that word ‘whining’ don’t you. the trouble is, you haven’t an ounce of self awareness to realise that you are the prize whiner on these pages. All I’m (arguably) whining about is your inclusion on this blog.

    I’d be interested to know why, if as you say, you are not an American (as apparently I have ‘accused’ you of being – wasn’t aware it was a crime) why the preoccupation with US radio presenters (many of whom most of us Brits haven’t heard of or certainly not their shows), Republicans, and generally all things US. Your unmistakable Yank-like mode of speech and idioms etc. what you actually are, if not.

    The rest of your post is your characteristic incoherent waffle. I think it’s time for your medication.

    By the way, there’s no toadying from me you spineless twat. I read his pieces because I enjoy them. You’ll search in vain for any arse-kissing posts from me.

  33. So apparently Don Stuart has nothing to say except BS. You’re pure noise.

    This is Delingpole for today:-

    “Liberals love Avatar. It’s the film with everything: oppressed native peoples; a disabled hero; mixed-race (actually mixed species, even better) romance; dumb, probably Republican-voting baddies coming unstuck; Mother Gaia in the form of a pretty, shiny tree; an environmentalist theme. ”

    Generalising to kick off and then projecting. Presumably, if libertarians are for the opposite, they love to destroy people and the planet. I guess that’s true.

  34. Coming straight out of primary school playground James said:-

    “Instead of using the term “liberal,”
    why not try “libtard”? It’s apt (liberal + retard = libtard), it’s highly offensive, and quite deliciously un-PC. What’s not to like?”

    Thereby proving that libertarians are still little children.

  35. Today he forgets about how libertarianism doesn’t work:-

    “The urge to pass new laws must be seen as an illness, not much different from the urge to bite old women. ”

    People are not self controlling as libertarians assert. People figure all sorts of ways to abuse the system that are not covered by existing laws.

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